I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
