I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
