I bet he comes in French.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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