i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
