Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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