Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
