He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
