Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
