omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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