well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
