If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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