he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
