why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm at about main and main street
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
