Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
