What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
