I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
