nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
