He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
