Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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