community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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