You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
