We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
