Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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