I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
