this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
