I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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