We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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