If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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