You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
