I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
