we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
