I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
