sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
