Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
