oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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