I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
