Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
