lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
