i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
