it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
