dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
