I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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