Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
