don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
