You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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