I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
