Got a toothbrush?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
