I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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