new low.... made out with someone while peeing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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