this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
