you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
